I see it's been a long time since I have posted anything here. You shouldn't assume that means there have been no "antics" at the Ainsworth household. These days we tend to revert to posting news on our Facebook pages, instead.
Saturday, October 9th, however, was the culmination of a conspiracy to surprise Leslie for our 35th wedding a
nniversary. Thankfully, it turned out to be a huge success, to the joy of everyone involved. Before going into the details, however, some background first.
Surprises are my thing. What can I say? I just enjoy planning something behind someone's back (or even under their nose), then springing the surprise when they least expect it. And in 35 years of marriage, I've pulled off some doozies, mostly with Leslie as the innocent "surprisee".
Because I enjoy it so much, I forget sometimes that not everyone shares my exuberance for intrigue, and I happen to be married to someone who is more on the sensible end of the scale. She likes to know what's coming, what to expect. She doesn't like to be put on the spot, or embarrassed by unexpected attention. Out of necessity, she also needs to be sure Ethan is well provided for before she can relax and "just have fun".
As in all successful marriages, you learn to accommodate each other. So I've had to learn over the years that a surprise trip to England for her birthday, while building some fond memories, was not worth the discomfort it created. I've also had to learn to carefully plan the details so that they don't spin out of control (like getting mugged at Paddington Station). Many times this has meant I needed to just try to "get a hit", rather than "swing for the fences". And as Leslie wisely reminds me, "It's the little things that matter."
My dilemma, then, was how to pull off a big surprise (a 35th anniversary is a big deal, right?) without taking Leslie too far outside her comfort zone.
My mind started working on a plan shortly after her birthday the end of March. One thing I can say is, that in 35 years I have never forgotten a birthday or anniversary, and knowing this one was special, I would need to start the planning early. As I thought about it, one idea after another was considered, then rejected for one reason or another. Finally, it occurred to me that we have received the most joy in our marriage from our children. Though I love the rare occurrences when Leslie and I get to spend time alone, this surprise would just have to involve our family.
On July 12th, I texted Andrea, asking if there was a possibility she could come home to celebrate with us (Andrea is a school teacher in Kentucky). She was immediately "on board", and assured me she could get a couple of days off to make the trip. With this most difficult cog in place, I shared the plan (rough as it was) with the rest of the adult children. Each of them gave excited consent, so it was "game on"!
Some sad events, including the passing of my father and our friend Barry, in the months following, made it difficult to think about planning a happy event. Andrea's plane ticket was purchased the end of August, but little else was decided until the end of September.
Finally it came down to either a surprise reunion in a restaurant (we would go under the guise of a night out alone, with the rest straggling in after we were seated, with Andrea coming in as the "coup de grace"), or a surprise picnic somewhere more private. In order to avoid the public exposure a restaurant would produce, the picnic idea became the "working scenario".
Trinity Park in downtown Fort Worth is a place I had seen many times, but never visited. With walking trails, picnic tables, and the Trinity River, all located near the cultural district, it seemed like a good place to meet for our picnic. On Monday, the 4th, Samuel and I went to the park to scope things out, and start putting the details of the plan together.
After walking several miles of trails, learning the layout of the park, and identifying possible sites for setting up a table and grill, we came up with the following game plan: I would take Leslie to a movie in the afternoon, then for a walk in the park before taking her to dinner (we had purchased steaks to grill at home, but I would tell her I had decided to take her to some place in the city). Meanwhile, Fred and Charlotte would pick up the boys at our house, and Lauren would pick up Andrea at the airport, all of them arriving at the park and setting up before Leslie and I finished our walk.
With a plan like this, things can (and often do) go wrong. The secret to pulling off the surprise is to plan for contingencies, and be able to make up plausible explanations for things without panicking and, as much as possible, not lying. For the most part our plan went off perfectly, but there were a few mistakes that needed to be overcome.
First, when making Andrea's plane reservation, I wanted to give her plenty of time to get to the Nashville airport, but still arrive in time to make it to our "event" after arriving in Dallas. At the time the ticket was purchased, I was still under the assumption that we would be meeting at a restaurant, so a 5:00 PM arrival in Dallas would be very workable. However, with sunset at 7:00, and "dark" at 7:30, our picnic would need to be rushed without lighting. I overcame this easy enough by purchasing a portable shelter and battery operated lighting which Fred and the boys would set up with the grill and tables.
Next, Leslie and I walked to pick up the mail one day, and found a card from Andrea addressed to Lauren. Because Lauren was away to school, and the envelope was unsealed, Leslie thought she would just read it before Lauren got home. Suspecting there might be a reference to the gathering, I protested, proclaiming it to be an invasion of privacy. Since it was addressed to Lauren, she should be the one to read it, and allowed to share whatever she decided was appropriate. While this is my actual belief, I think I panicked a little, and became a little too animated in my protest, provoking Leslie to inquire, "Is there some secret I'm not supposed to know?" She now says she forgot all about that, and suspected nothing, but I was sure I had given it away. As it turned out there was a vague reference in the card to seeing Lauren soon, but it probably wasn't enough to give anything away.
Third, Charlotte had come up with a way to reduce the number of vehicles involved by having Micah go with Fred and Samuel and all of the items to set up, and she taking the rest of the conspirators to pick up Andrea. She had explained to Leslie that Fred needed to borrow our pickup to haul a table top that we had, and then reminded her of that on Facebook the day of the surprise. I saw this posting, and forgot that our plan was for Fred to come get the pickup, and started making plans to take the truck to him, thinking he was picking up a table top somewhere else. After Charlotte reminded me of our plan, I tried to explain the change, but Leslie thought it more logical for me to just deliver the table top, rather than make all the extra trips, and suggested I just call Charlotte and offer that. Now what was I to do? Simple, I told her Charlotte said just to leave things the way they were, and said I got the impression that the children were planning a surprise of their own. Ahhh! The old "Watch them, they're cooking something up." ploy!
My worst gaff, though, was making it public that I was going to surprise Leslie for our anniversary, months in advance. And I played it up to be something grand, that would really blow her away. I was just trying to have fun, but because she was trying to be a good sport, I was unaware that it wasn't fun for her. The final week, as things began to get tense, I realized that (though I assured her that she should trust me) I was violating her trust by making a spectacle of things. Once we talked about it, and we both realized what was happening, I gave her enough information to set her at ease, promising that she would be pleased with the result.
Also, as we were getting ready to leave, Leslie noticed that the children were bustling about, cleaning house, taking showers, putting on nicer clothes, etc. They were just feeling the pressure of getting everything accomplished in time to meet at the park, but it caused Leslie to remark, "It's like they're getting ready for company." She even started naming people that might come visit, and eliminating them for this reason and that. I just remained silent as she, thankfully, assured me that Andrea couldn't get time off from school. I was really afraid I would buckle if she asked me straight out if I thought it might be Andrea. Though I can usually pull off these surprises, she can tell if I'm lying.
Finally, as we were to find out later, Andrea nearly missed her flight. She made sure that she got to the airport in time, but was so early that she relaxed and took a walk in the terminal. Losing track of time, she suddenly realized that she needed to run to the gate, barely making it in time, the last person to board. Whew!
Otherwise, the day went perfectly. The sun shone, but fall was in the air, so it wasn't hot. We could not have hoped for more beautiful weather. With the children carrying the burden of making our little subterfuge a success, I went on a date with my heretofore High School sweetheart. We went to a theater near the park, and watched the newly released Secretariat, and for 2 hours I relived the excitement I experienced as a 15-year-old boy as this magnificent horse won the Triple Crown again. Leslie, a horse-lover herself, enjoyed our time together, too.
After the movie, we drove to the park, where I told Leslie we would take a leisurely stroll to work up an app
etite for dinner. Of course, I knew that the path we would take would eventually lead us to a secluded spot where the rest of the family would be preparing for our arrival. While walking I received and sent several secret texts to Samuel, making sure all was going according to plan. Charlotte, Lauren, Andrea and their crew were running a little behind schedule, so Samuel told me to take my time, which I did, reminding Leslie that I didn't want to rush our stroll. At one point along the trail, we walked along the road that Charlotte's vehicle would be nearing the park entrance on, but I was certain they would be past that point before we got there. As it turned out, my daughters got the privilege of seeing their parents walking hand-in-hand, oblivious to their passage.
As the "end of the trail" grew nearer, the aroma of Fred's grill reached us, and Leslie declared, "Oh, someone's cooking something good!", which brought a smile to my heart, if not to my face. With Samuel's signal that they were ready, I began leading Leslie toward the spot, which was mostly obscured by trees. As we drew nearer, however, she spotted the shelter, and said, "We can't go through there, that's someone's tent." When I assured her that it would be okay, she scolded, "We can't! It would be rude!" Though in her mind I was breaking all rules of social etiquette, I was finally able to persuade her that she needed to follow me (I think at this point I was just anxious for the game to be concluded), and then she spotted Lauren making last minute table preparations.
And was she ever surprised! My daughters had insisted that we use the good china and not the paper plates I would have chosen, and they had made a lovely spread, rivaling any bistro. But the best was yet to come. Andrea was in hiding. After a time of exclamation, hugs, wonder and relief, it was suggested that Leslie go into the shelter to check on Ethan. When she did, she found that Andrea was there, too, anxiously awaiting her discovery. At that point, in Leslie's words, "The dam burst.", and tears of joy flowed. It was everything I had imagined and more.
The meal, steaks (grilled to perfection by Fred), new potatoes, salad and Charlotte's brownies for dessert was nearly anticlimactic. Except for the waves of realization that would occasionally sweep over Leslie again, it was just a moment stolen in time, a beautiful family gathering which has occurred many times in the past 35 years. When dinner was over, we gathered in the shelter and sang, a family tradition that has become less frequent since Andrea moved away.
Andrea was able to stay for several days, and we enjoyed a very relaxed visit with her, filled with word games and heart-to-hearts. Leslie has told me that this was a perfect surprise, and that she was very happy with our gift. This admission, of course, was her anniversary gift to me.
I've written this in great detail for those of you who might be interested, and also for those of us who are beginning to have trouble remembering such things. Perhaps you'll find it a bit unnatural, or contrived, but it's how we do it here at The Ainsworth's. We've been doing it like this since 1975.
